Snowy Monday Morning

So this morning I wake up to find out that highways are closed and school is cancelled and we are all staying home! Not what I had planned for the day, but I am a little relieved! I just had 2 days of work, and kind of needed a break, but now I need to entertain 4 children inside, still with no basement.
So we all sat at the table and colored!! I am not one to usually sit down with my children and play, but you know what for about 10-15minutes we had PEACE in the house. Everyone sat quietly, even Jude sat on my lap and was quiet for about 5minutes! It was so wonderful, and I even took the time to enjoy and take it in. I actually enjoy coloring! Go figure.
I actually took some time at work yesterday to ponder work. I am finding now more then ever that I am starting to like my work. I think it is because I am starting to have some confidence in myself as a nurse. I am starting to learn, and retain knowledge (only after 8yrs and 4 mat. leaves!!). I am glad I chose not to give it up as I had cried about in the summer. God does things for a reason, hind sight is 20-20!! Why do we fight God?? I wonder that as I sit here watching my 3 girls fight this morning. They fight themselves and then me as I try to correct them, and we fight God as he tries to lead us. He knows better then us, and I know better then my children. But in neither situation anyone learns at the time to not fight the other!! (Does that make any sense?? At least I know what I mean.) Why am I scared to let God lead my life, when I KNOW that He knows best? Life is all about learning, but I never seem to learn. I must like banging my head against a wall!! LOL!
Not sure where this blurb is going this morning, but I had some thoughts and learned a couple things today. #1: I like to color with my kids #2: I am slowly liking my job better, still don't like leaving my kids, but when I am at work I like what I do.
That is enough for a snowy, slow paced Monday morning!

Here goes nothing!

Okay, so I know this is no big deal to a lot of people but I have been TERRIFIED to start blogging! Why....I think mostly because the thought of thinking about my thoughts and what is in my head is terrifying to me. I am the type of person to stuff my thoughts way down so that I never have to deal with them, but right now life is creeping up on my and I feel like they need to go somewhere.

I feel like life is changing hugely for me right now and I need to figure out what is what and deal with it. I don't know how, so I am trying this. I need to open up and bloom, bloom to be what God is making me to be, and to do that I need to actually ponder things and figure out what kind of person 32 yr old Mandy is.
Seems strange that I would only feel the need to do that at 32yrs old and not sooner, but I kind of new how my life should flow before this. I felt like I had a plan and that it was God's plan too, a plan to get married and have babies. Now I don't know where to go from here. What does a mom of older kids look like? How do I raise them to be proper girls, girls of love and compassion, girls that want to serve the Lord with all there hearts? I feel that I don't know what life looks like from here and that scares me. I am scared! Wow, so that is how I feel. My heart is full of fear, fear of the unknown, fear that I will make a mess of things. And I might, then what? Maybe I fix it, or leave it for God to fix.

Well, I started....started the journey.....so here goes nothing!