Here goes nothing!

Okay, so I know this is no big deal to a lot of people but I have been TERRIFIED to start blogging! Why....I think mostly because the thought of thinking about my thoughts and what is in my head is terrifying to me. I am the type of person to stuff my thoughts way down so that I never have to deal with them, but right now life is creeping up on my and I feel like they need to go somewhere.

I feel like life is changing hugely for me right now and I need to figure out what is what and deal with it. I don't know how, so I am trying this. I need to open up and bloom, bloom to be what God is making me to be, and to do that I need to actually ponder things and figure out what kind of person 32 yr old Mandy is.
Seems strange that I would only feel the need to do that at 32yrs old and not sooner, but I kind of new how my life should flow before this. I felt like I had a plan and that it was God's plan too, a plan to get married and have babies. Now I don't know where to go from here. What does a mom of older kids look like? How do I raise them to be proper girls, girls of love and compassion, girls that want to serve the Lord with all there hearts? I feel that I don't know what life looks like from here and that scares me. I am scared! Wow, so that is how I feel. My heart is full of fear, fear of the unknown, fear that I will make a mess of things. And I might, then what? Maybe I fix it, or leave it for God to fix.

Well, I started....started the journey.....so here goes nothing!