Thoughts from Beth Moore

So it has been awhile since I have written, but I went to a "Beth Moore" conference today on "So long Insecurity", boy was today the right day for that. I have been going through the last few years thinking I have come SO FAR in maturing in this area, well, I realized that I have not come anywhere. I am still SO SO insecure, especially in the area of relationships.
Now I realize that some of my friends may read this, and well, that is okay, maybe in reading this they will understand me better, forgive me for all the frustration that I cause them. I need to get my thoughts out of my head because they are driving me crazy.
I have GREAT friends!! I love them all so dearly. I realize today though that I am going to them, expecting them to boost me up, to make me feel secure and loved, but really that is totally WRONG!! (If you are reading this, and you know who you are, I am really sorry for putting this expectation on you!!) I need to be going to God, allowing HIM to fill me up with love, get my self-worth from HIM, then give that same love back to my friends and family. God thinks so much of me. He loves me so much!! I think NOTHING of myself. I am constantly looking at my imperfections and wanting to change them. Obsessing about them, to myself and everyone around me. Telling myself lies about myself and believing them. Always feeling like people don't really like me, they are just tolerating me, or liking me for awhile and then wanting to move on to someone better, more exciting. How can I truly live the life that God has meant for me to live, a victorious life in HIM, live for serving Him and those around me when I have such a crappy view of myself. It is wrong. I need to turn away from these thoughts, turn away from this view of myself and live a new life, a victorious life in Christ!! I am doing that today!! As Beth Moore said today, I need to say it, move forward in it, even if I don't believe it for the first while. The more we say it and do it and live in it, then it will get to our heart and emotions and we WILL believe it.
I want this. I want to live this. I want to live this for myself, for my children. I want my children to have GREAT self esteem, get security in who they are in Christ. I want to live this life so I can be a great wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend to those around me. I want to pour out love and a servants heart to those around me, so that people notice Christ's confidence in me.
So much food for thought. So much to process. So much to work on. I think a start for me is to read my Bible daily, and memorize God's words to me. For now, for today, these are my thoughts.